A well needed break and my top 10 signs you’ve hit the ‘7 year change’

Well, that was a long 12 months break from Substack. I’m still here though, in fact, I’m present more than I’ve ever been before. Muddling through life, the familiar feeling of melancholy ever prevalent but still days where the sun is so warm against my skin, things fall into place and life feels like it’s supposed to.

  I needed that break, I needed to feel alive again, to feel like i could get lost in my creativity instead of feeling trapped in it. To write, to photograph because it is a release for me, because it’s the biggest hit of dopamine possible and not because I needed to pay a bill.

If only this time last year I would have known what was to come! So much change. Huge change.

My entire adult life I’ve been open to change, I’ve welcomed it even, like a long lost friend. Moving from country to country, trying to find my place, always thinking the grass is greener when in reality, as the quote goes ‘the grass is greener where you water it’ and I can honestly say that there is nothing more true than that. So, here I am, twelve months on, so settled in my little lancashire village, in the home I’ve created for myself, so settled that I feel anxious being away from my safe space. Research says that you change every seven years and although I don’t entirely agree with is, I think you grow an incredible amount within seven years that you do indeed change as a person.

Within the twelve months that I have been taking a break from everything online I have; sold my business, got a divorce, made new friends, lost old friends, lost relationships, made new ones, seen both of my children finish and start school, took a whole summer of work to spend with the children, had my new partner and her daughter move in with me increasing my little family of three to five, plus a cat and a dog, started a new career, jumped right out of my comfort zone on many occasions, but do you know what - in all of that, I’m still here, I’m here and I’m doing okay.

There has been so many times throughout this past twelve months that I thought I wouldn’t get through and here I am. So, remember whatever you are going through, in twelve months time, everything in your life will be totally different, maybe not where you hoped it would be, but never the less, it will be exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Here are my top 10 signs you’ve hit the ‘7 year change’ or ‘7 year growth’ as I like to call it;

1. You’ve realised over time what you don’t want. All of a sudden, you’re becoming acutely aware of how much you dislike your habits and how little you feel like yourself lately because you know how good it feels when you’re your real self. It may seem like you’re dissecting the anatomy of a disaster, but really, you’re getting clear on what you don’t want so you can get clearer about what you do.

2. You’re opening up to people again; not just your friends but the people who never get a look in, frank on desk seven who always offers to make you coffee but you don’t need any extra friends so you politely decline. Hey, now isolation is no longer the most appealing option. Even if you’re just thinking about the fact that you need to open yourself more to the people around you, you’re already on the right track.

3. You’re emotional. Your friends are like ‘wow you never cry’ It’s just another way of saying that you’re not suppressing everything anymore. You’re beginning to feel again, you’re wanting to feel, which brings you one step closer to being able to deal with those feelings in a real way instead of running away and moving across the world (not me, i promise!)

4. A lot of annoying quotes that people post on instagram that you usually laugh at are starting to make sense. You save them in a secret folder and go back to look at them when you’re feeling particularly low or particularly strong! You’re seeing why hard work is important, and being present matters and positivity is a choice. You’re seeing how love is something you create and your life is what you make it, the grass is so green right here, right where you are because you’re watering it! and everything else that seemed like vapid, useless fodder is now the answer to everything, if only you could master it.

5. You’re finally reaching a healthy equilibrium of being able to recognise both the positive and negative aspects about who you are, without denying or inflating them, you embrace them like you embrace your beloved cocker spaniel at the end of a rough week (also not me.. but don’t you think they just have so much unconditional love you could never do anything wrong!)

6. The changes you want from life now all come from a place of contentment. In the past, you may have dreamt of a life where you were the most successful business owner in the UK, undeniably beautiful, a super model even or just completely loved, fairytale style, all in an effort to combat feeling proportionately shitty about yourself the majority of the time. When you’re more in your court, you want your life to reflect who you are, who you are right now, the YOU you’ve become.

7. You feel a little lost, which is totally normal, you’re detaching from your old ideas about what your life should be, detaching from the thought that the future should hold all these unrealistic plans, and so on. Living in the present feels a lot like being lost before we get used to it.

8. You’re finally seeing your journey as a way to a better understanding of yourself. Rather than boxing away your emotional trauma or low self esteem.

9. You’re beginning to realise, and this is a big one! (Especially for me) that if you have a problem in your life, the problem is you. Whoever the issue lies with, if it is affecting you, it is your responsibility to change it.

10. You have recognised that you want more out of your life. You’ve realised that maybe you’re not giving enough, either. You complain that you don’t have the love you deserve but you don’t actually go out and try to date, you wait for it to come knocking. You hate your job, but you don’t look for a new one. You’re always stressed, but you don’t work on being better about regulating your emotions or being able to focus harder and work more efficiently. You recognise that you want more from your life and understand that it’s time you start making that happen and babe, you’ve done that.

I promise I’ll keep writing now, I’ll keep writing because its what i love the most, it brings me joy on a cold autumn morning, a rare break from the chaos of work, I lay on my bed the rays of sun warming every ounce of my body, no wonder Sushi my cat loves this spot so much. I write and I feel the magic returning, slowly.